Hi my dears, how was your day? Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and well wishes for my back.
Today was my first Physical Therapy appointment. It seems my back problem is probably the result of an old hip problem. When I did gymnastics I had a lot of left hip problems. I had a bone scan at one point but a specific problem was never identified. Years later it seems, when I got very active again, the complete (rather pathetic, in fact) lack of mobility in my left hip has caused my back problem (which is also pain predominately on the left side). I’m not sure what I did to make it suddenly worse, but I’ve been hobbling around all day. Good news is that the only thing he told me I couldn’t do is deadlifts.. pheww!!!
First, who know’s the movie that title comes from?!
I had a great Shoulder workout with my trainer… That was the good part, unfortunately it was proceeded and followed by tears :/ .. So I was greeted at the studio with fat measurement calipers and a scale. I’d been avoiding this at home, but I couldn’t at the gym. I made a pouty face but obliged. The news was as bad as I knew it would be. I don’t know the exact fat % measurements, but I know it was probably higher than I would like. Then the scale.. yeah.. . My trainer was as nice as ever and said, “well, the good news is you gained lean muscle.” Yeah, that is good, and my goal, but I wasn’t happy to see the scale number. I was so unhappy in fact, coupled with my recent continuous pain and stress, that I started tearing up. I got it together and had a pretty good workout. Afterwards I started talking with my trainer about how to proceed, and basically had a bit of an emotional breakdown.
As you may have noticed, I’ve missed a few workouts lately and have totally been failing with cardio. I haven’t been eating particularly poorly, but without cardio I’m bound to gain weight with the calories I’ve been taking in. I’ve been completely overwhelmed with school & work, but that is absolutely no excuse. I’ve also been really conflicted over the amount I would need to gain in order to cut down and be the size I’d need to be to win on the national level. I am very competitive with the things I care about, so in any competition I want to go in knowing I’m competitive to win. So I’ve been going back & forth with wanting to throw myself into eating and lifting to gain as much size as I can, but then at the same time wanting to eat according to what my body wants. Eating like my body wants means many more salads & tofu and less chemicals and powder than I need to gain muscle. So I’ve been eating to gain, then feeling icky, so switching to eating intuitively, then feeling guilty for not doing what I need to be competitive, then back, yadda yadda. So as I explain my confusion, unhappiness/uncomfortableness with my size, and stress with finishing school and starting a company, the tears start again. Fortunately my trainer is absolutely amazing and could not have been more understanding or having said anything better than he did. I won’t bore you and longer with my sob story, but basically he was super supportive and helped me remember that this is all about a lifestyle (not extremes), that I’m lucky to have all these amazing things going on in my life that are taking up my time, and that competitions will always be there. And if I’m not ‘big enough’ accordingly to one judging panel, then that doesn’t mean I won’t be for the next. This is more reason that I should stick with Fitness and perhaps not bother with Figure on the national level. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m comfortable getting and being big enough to kick butt at Figure on that level.
The new focus, eat how my body wants (which is basically healthy, fitness oriented eating, with a focus on high protein and veggies), and not miss cardio.. so basically I’m good to lose a little weight now! It sounds so funny to say that, considering may people’s goal is to loose weight, but for the last couple months I’ve felt pressure to eat differently than what I really want. When I said I was uncomfortable with my weight he said one thing.. “it’s too much only because you think it’s too much.” I just feel so thankful to have such fantastic support, no negativity, just the best advice I could get.
So maybe it was a bad day, but it is what I needed. I needed to vent those feelings and be honest with how I feel physically and mentally. I know Physical Therapy may be frustrating for me, but I’m tired of hurting all the time, so I’ll do whatever they tell me. I’m excited to get in the gym with a new outlook; an approach that matches what my body wants & needs. I love working out, I love how powerful I feel after lifting, I love the crazy endorphins after treadmill HIIT, and I love the peace I have after heart-pounding yoga.
I do want to say though.. I know I’m not fat, I know I’m healthy, and I know I am unbelievable fortunate, so I really hope this doesn’t come off as whiny and bad-attitude as I think it might. I am so thankful for everything I have. It was a little hard for me to write & admit all this, but I know lots of people are going through the same thing, so if me being honest about my experience helps anyone, then it’s totally worth it This is a crazy sport/hobby/obsession we do.. but so worth it! Huge love to all of you!!
At Your Request
I’ve had a couple requests lately for the Spinach Bar recipe I used while I was carb-cycling. There are actually two version, and here they are..
Low-Carb Spinach Bar
6 c frozen Spinach defrosted (I just microwave)
1/2 c Egg Whites
Mix everything together, pour into a greased 8×8 pan. Bake at 375 F for 40 min or until middle is set.
Spinach Cheesey Bars
6 c frozen Spinach defrosted
1/2 c Egg Whites
1 c Cottage Cheese
Bake at 375 F for 40 min.
I made the Cheesy Spinach Bars tonight..
Lazy Yogurt Mess.. homemade PB Granola (not posting recipe because I messed it up, but not enough to throw it out) + plain Greek Yogurt + Better n’ PB..
Post-PT I had Cream of Wheat in an almost empty PB jar! ..
Snack was Amazing Grass PB Bar..
and Kabocha with Pumpkin Hummus..
I had a dinner in mind, but then my roommate asked if I wanted to go with her to an Italian Grocery store.. a peak of the selection..
of course I said yes! Dinner ended up being George Foreman grilled Savory Tofu, a slice of Garlic Bread and fresh Tomato & Mozzarella.. delicious!
I added a couple new articles to the Digg feed. And if those are a pain to check out, I also add and update everything on the Nourished Fitness Facebook Fan Page.
Have a wonderful Thursday