Breakdown.. Breakthrough
Hi my dears, how was your day? Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and well wishes for my back.
FITNESS
Today was my first Physical Therapy appointment. It seems my back problem is probably the result of an old hip problem. When I did gymnastics I had a lot of left hip problems. I had a bone scan at one point but a specific problem was never identified. Years later it seems, when I got very active again, the complete (rather pathetic, in fact) lack of mobility in my left hip has caused my back problem (which is also pain predominately on the left side). I’m not sure what I did to make it suddenly worse, but I’ve been hobbling around all day. Good news is that the only thing he told me I couldn’t do is deadlifts.. pheww!!!
Breakdown.. Breakthrough
First, who know’s the movie that title comes from?!
I had a great Shoulder workout with my trainer… That was the good part, unfortunately it was proceeded and followed by tears :/ .. So I was greeted at the studio with fat measurement calipers and a scale. I’d been avoiding this at home, but I couldn’t at the gym. I made a pouty face but obliged. The news was as bad as I knew it would be. I don’t know the exact fat % measurements, but I know it was probably higher than I would like. Then the scale.. yeah.. 
. My trainer was as nice as ever and said, “well, the good news is you gained lean muscle.” Yeah, that is good, and my goal, but I wasn’t happy to see the scale number. I was so unhappy in fact, coupled with my recent continuous pain and stress, that I started tearing up. I got it together and had a pretty good workout. Afterwards I started talking with my trainer about how to proceed, and basically had a bit of an emotional breakdown.
As you may have noticed, I’ve missed a few workouts lately and have totally been failing with cardio. I haven’t been eating particularly poorly, but without cardio I’m bound to gain weight with the calories I’ve been taking in. I’ve been completely overwhelmed with school & work, but that is absolutely no excuse. I’ve also been really conflicted over the amount I would need to gain in order to cut down and be the size I’d need to be to win on the national level. I am very competitive with the things I care about, so in any competition I want to go in knowing I’m competitive to win. So I’ve been going back & forth with wanting to throw myself into eating and lifting to gain as much size as I can, but then at the same time wanting to eat according to what my body wants. Eating like my body wants means many more salads & tofu and less chemicals and powder than I need to gain muscle. So I’ve been eating to gain, then feeling icky, so switching to eating intuitively, then feeling guilty for not doing what I need to be competitive, then back, yadda yadda. So as I explain my confusion, unhappiness/uncomfortableness with my size, and stress with finishing school and starting a company, the tears start again. Fortunately my trainer is absolutely amazing and could not have been more understanding or having said anything better than he did. I won’t bore you and longer with my sob story, but basically he was super supportive and helped me remember that this is all about a lifestyle (not extremes), that I’m lucky to have all these amazing things going on in my life that are taking up my time, and that competitions will always be there. And if I’m not ‘big enough’ accordingly to one judging panel, then that doesn’t mean I won’t be for the next. This is more reason that I should stick with Fitness and perhaps not bother with Figure on the national level. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m comfortable getting and being big enough to kick butt at Figure on that level.
The new focus, eat how my body wants (which is basically healthy, fitness oriented eating, with a focus on high protein and veggies), and not miss cardio.. so basically I’m good to lose a little weight now! It sounds so funny to say that, considering may people’s goal is to loose weight, but for the last couple months I’ve felt pressure to eat differently than what I really want. When I said I was uncomfortable with my weight he said one thing.. “it’s too much only because you think it’s too much.” I just feel so thankful to have such fantastic support, no negativity, just the best advice I could get.
So maybe it was a bad day, but it is what I needed. I needed to vent those feelings and be honest with how I feel physically and mentally. I know Physical Therapy may be frustrating for me, but I’m tired of hurting all the time, so I’ll do whatever they tell me. I’m excited to get in the gym with a new outlook; an approach that matches what my body wants & needs. I love working out, I love how powerful I feel after lifting, I love the crazy endorphins after treadmill HIIT, and I love the peace I have after heart-pounding yoga.
I do want to say though.. I know I’m not fat, I know I’m healthy, and I know I am unbelievable fortunate, so I really hope this doesn’t come off as whiny and bad-attitude as I think it might. I am so thankful for everything I have. It was a little hard for me to write & admit all this, but I know lots of people are going through the same thing, so if me being honest about my experience helps anyone, then it’s totally worth it 
This is a crazy sport/hobby/obsession we do.. but so worth it! Huge love to all of you!!
NUTRITION
At Your Request
I’ve had a couple requests lately for the Spinach Bar recipe I used while I was carb-cycling. There are actually two version, and here they are..
Low-Carb Spinach Bar
6 c frozen Spinach defrosted (I just microwave)
1/2 c Egg Whites
Sodium-Free Seasoning
Mix everything together, pour into a greased 8×8 pan. Bake at 375 F for 40 min or until middle is set.
Spinach Cheesey Bars
6 c frozen Spinach defrosted
1/2 c Egg Whites
1 c Cottage Cheese
Sodium-Free Seasoning
Bake at 375 F for 40 min.
I made the Cheesy Spinach Bars tonight..
Today’s Eats
Lazy Yogurt Mess.. homemade PB Granola (not posting recipe because I messed it up, but not enough to throw it out) + plain Greek Yogurt + Better n’ PB..
Post-PT I had Cream of Wheat in an almost empty PB jar! ..
Snack was Amazing Grass PB Bar..
and Kabocha with Pumpkin Hummus..
I had a dinner in mind, but then my roommate asked if I wanted to go with her to an Italian Grocery store.. a peak of the selection..
of course I said yes! Dinner ended up being George Foreman grilled Savory Tofu, a slice of Garlic Bread and fresh Tomato & Mozzarella.. delicious!
FUN
I added a couple new articles to the Digg feed. And if those are a pain to check out, I also add and update everything on the Nourished Fitness Facebook Fan Page.
Have a wonderful Thursday
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I have had many similar talks with Scott.. hes the BEST ! WE ARE SOOOO LUCKY TO HAVE HIM !
Alyson, I love reading your blog since you and I are on such opposite ends of the spectrum (I’m a cardio junkie and the thought of lifting makes me want to cry). You are a powerful, amazing woman and having an off day is totally normal. Ride out the low point and kick ass on the upswing!
Twitter: NourishedFit
/ February 25, 2010
Oh thank you Sharla, you are too sweet. I need to develop a love of running.. I’ll definitely be following your journey!
We all have bad days from time to time. Don’t be so hard on yourself, especially as you have so many things going in your life – it would eventually get to everyone of us. I’m so glad you have a fantastic and supportive coach. And you are doing well! Good news is that you can still train & I’m sure you will feel much better in no time!
Those spinach bars look amazing by the way!
I’m totally making those spinach bars! Yum!
When I started reading your post, I knew you’d choose the eating intuitively! I think that’s probably very wise. I’m thinking you’ll be happier, especially amidst the stress of school and career choices. From what you post, your eats are amazingly clean and healthy. Just adding in that extra cardio will help you drop weight fast (I’m imagining) and it’ll boost your mood too!
Wow those spinach bars look wonderful!
I know sometimes knowing what you weigh can mess with your mind. Like you said though, it can also light a fire under you rump!
Thank you for being so honest. The body image issues never really stop, no matter how we fare compared to normal standards. Good for you for realizing that you just need to give your body what it needs!
Ok I think that all PT must resort to it’s your hips because that’s what they said about my IT band, my friends ankle, my other friends hip, my other friends runners knee, my other friends shins…etc…I get it we have hips…but really I find it strange that it’s the cause of all our injuries
Twitter: NourishedFit
/ February 25, 2010
hahaha, yeah I was in & out of all sorts of PT offices growing up doing gymnastics, hence my negative attitude.. but if it’ll help even a little, then I’m down. Better than taking hand fulls of pain killers I figure.
I totally get how you feel. Sometimes my head starts to spin trying to figure out what I should be eating/doing vs. what I want to be eating/doing. If bulking so much to be competitive in figure makes you unhappy, then its not right for you. You rocked the fitness competition on a plan you felt comfortable with so why not stick with it?
Everyone has those days…you are lucky to have some great people surrounding you to bust you out of it!
Thank you for your honesty! The scale has been messing with my mind too. I hate how a little number can determine the way we feel about ourselves. But you look amazing and are one strong woman- I know you’ll do what is best for you!
And thanks for those spinach recipes! I’ve been looking all over for them!
You really have to do what is right for you & healthy for you. Our bodies do tell us what to do if we listen.
Although I weigh myself, I know muscle weighs more that fat so I keep that in mind. I weigh more than a lot of other people my height. I use my clothes & how they fit as a better barometer for me.
Hang in there & keep doing what you are doing!
I made the spinach bars today. I can’t wait to try them! Thanks for putting up the recipe. I love your blog and protein pancakes have changed my LIFE haha. I’m currently carb cycling to cut down extra body fat too, so it helps a ton because I have quite the carb addiction/sweet tooth. I’m not a bodybuilder or fitness competitor, but a long distance runner and triathlete, so extra weight definitely makes a difference in my performance. I look forward to any new recipes you post, but I’m only just getting started on the ones you already have up. Soooo thanks! and good luck with your goals
Also, those protein powders you love and kombucha are impossible to find where I am, so if you can sell THOSE in your store, I’d buy 
Those spinach bars look really good. I wonder if they would work w/o the egg? I’m thinking no but I may have to give it a try anyway.
theyre fabulous! although I added salt. I think the egg is the only difference that give it the bar consistency. you’d need something else that would make it stick together. if you’re vegan you could use the flax seeds+H20 replacement, or mori nu tofu and really blend it.
Scales are nasty little things. Its very deceiving and numbers are just numbers, like you said. I love the fact that you are eating what your body is craving/needing. Thats how it should be! You are strong and VERY healthy so no minor set backs, in fact I think its a mental gain! Great recipe girl. Love all your ideas. Keep them coming.
Don’t beat yourself up, girl. We all have spells of not being where we want to be and I know you will keep focusing on what works best to get you your goals! You’re doing great! Don’t freak out about the number on the scale either, muscle gain is good and will burn more fat and also will raise the number on the scale. My trainer says not to worry about the numbers its only a means of measure and the visual appearance is more truthful. I understand though, I try not to let the numbers bother me, but I still think about them the wrong way.
Gonna try the spinach recipes, they sound awesome! Thanks!
Those spinach bars look delish! I am going to make them TONIGHT! How many servings would you say each recipe makes?
Twitter: NourishedFit
/ April 21, 2010
Each 8×8 pan makes 4 good-sized servings!
Spinach Bars are GREAT!!!! thanks! Even my hubby liked them!
I am making these right now. I can’t wait to see how they turn out! I can’t believe I can eat a whole 1/4 of this recipe for under 100 cals. It’s genius!